I have a pretty public life. There’s a ton of myself documented, tons of cringe takes. Most I don’t stand by anymore. Some feelings too, I’d rather not exist publicly.

I have this friend who is constantly in the process of documenting. Multiple websites as well that contain years of creating and attempts at community building. Not to mention more public facing social media. Everything is logged. Every failure, every drama, every triumph, every song, every moment.

I fear nothing is sacred. I’m literally seeing my life building up around me as I grow up and every moment of it is recorded *in* the world. All of it I don’t really control. Everyone around me is making content. Governments collect it. Companies exploit it. Forces I never knew I was at war with until recently. There are fewer and fewer silences I’ll die with. It’s like the constant buzz of telephone wire, 5G and satellites are taking them away.

It’s hard not to lose myself to that infernal buzz. What it creates out of thin air. A beings being of sorts which gets in the way of connection. In every kiss. In every infinite moment. Its hum softly sings.

The worst part, I’ll hear the people closest to me sing it. I want to fight it. Want to believe I can. But everyone seems much happier mumbling the words. Just like me. Self obsessed yet totally disconnected from ourselves. We chant an incantation of unknowable origin until…
I wonder what the suicide rates are.

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Us has become a song in the world written by a machine made of sky. So this is why I scream when I tell you the truth.