I was never enough

I’m definitely not meant for this world

The type of girls who really care about Instagram are basically all whores. It’s like a very specific type of girl mostly in the city centres but yeah all of them are disgusting.

I was together with and continue to be around the lot of them and it’s just miserable. The whore phase is recoverable but I wouldn’t trust a bitch unless they deleted the app without question. It does so much more harm to them in the end. But not my place nor do I really fucking care. I do just truly look at them as things to be used unfortunately.

My advice is to not waste your time. Judge them and know what they are. It isn’t cruel to judge a person on the actions they engage in. The true misogynists are elated by the continuing masses of women hijacking themselves through social media. I think some of them can certainly reach a maturity but forever their core, and I truly believe this, is screaming out to delete the app.

Nobody wants to be used or treated like an object. But at some point I have to protect myself from the actions of others. Self objectification is just another thing I want nothing to do with anymore. It will become my problem, my burden and eventually my trauma.

If I’m being honest the best way for me to protect myself right now is to dehumanize in a small but meaningful way: all women who are performatively using social media are whores. Especially if they have a boyfriend!

It really is just a vibe check and certainly not truth, however; it is experience. Marketing yourself as a product does something dark and twisted to the psyche. Your body should not be on display like this. Or at least, I don’t understand how it is at all powerful to do so. To market yourself to a content consumer.

At the end of the day though all of my violence is directed towards the business men who propagated these systems. Yes, people choose to do this to themselves but I grew up with this. It is now my duty to remove myself from what they created. I think that process justifies a slow and public beheading.

Forcibly being injected intravenously with a slow drip of blackpilling compounds by every girl I’ve ever met my age.

The STI lab technician is taken 💔💔💔

You will never truly process what kind of being you are. Instead you will forever think you have.

Oh, how sad your life truly is!

My eyes are rolling out of my fucking head.

Misery will never fuck you. She knows a whore when she sees one. So keep pretending to ascertain truth while heaven passes you by. You’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.

Totally convincing her to come to New Friends Fest rn

I have a hateful aura today. Girls are looking at me and I’m scowling. Actually fuck right off.

I can’t text her just yet. Sigh, I wish we could’ve just met at a time and place. Or like we both just got stuck on the same bus. I hate the world man, genuinely.

SHE TEXTED ME BACKKKKKKK

I hope she texts me guys. I gave her my number and she’s so cool. Omg she’s so fucking cool.

So fucking tired of it all

No matter how much I wash I will actually never be clean. I feel hideous and disgusting.

The victim that insists on being victimized again and again. The victim that never takes up the sword. Who desperately needs to be one is also my enemy.

You perpetuate the status quo of unconsensual harm. The system of the strong raping the weak requires a class of people that never moves on. The Epstein class requires a victim class.

I hate being a victim. I hate her for perpetuating this cycle. Wake up darling! You will forever be a victim! You will die a victim! Your life will be just another story of victimization! Take up the sword! Like you made me do by perpetuating the cycle.

I will not fight for you, you are in my way. I fight for those who hate being the victim. Who can’t stand it. You caused me as much harm as the billionaires who rape. You are truly equivalent in evil because how necessary of a tool you make yourself. You suck billionaire cock again and again; forever.

I will cull them. This brings me joy.
I will cull you. This brings me pain.

But both MUST be culled.

I must be from some antiquated time where I’m not okay without you. I can’t keep up with my generation. Everyday I wake up and weep. I wish I was never born.

Downing shots of homemade Romanian liquor and wine singing Christ has risen from the dead. Blessed.

Church tn

The sweet release of a romance we have always carried, though we have never met. Every imagined moment between us is already too beautiful. I am crossing oceans for the mere chance of your physical touch. If we did, even briefly, I— am innocent for the first time.

I need a newfie romance. A girl who loves a sensitive heart yet can shoot a moose and cook it.

I actually hate woke. KYS if ur woke literally. Your entire political stance is detritus. You CANNOT have an effective revolution with a fighting force of VICTIMS!!! You need to HATE being victimized. HOLY FUCKK. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

We knelt side by side at communion. We shared in the body of Christ together. That sacred ritual, that beautiful union, is now forever desecrated. A belief in something greater than us. A real bond now leaves a scar upon my memory. Our silly fucking meaningless play act! No, only yours actually.

How could I blame myself for believing in you? We talked about how nothing is scared. How truly terrible that is. About our baptisms and the joy of silent worship even if we were unsure about believing. No, I was unsure and you were certain. The meaning of that communion was real for you, or so you said.

Sean, you forever have the symbols of Catholicism tattooed on your body. You said you’re a bad catholic but still a catholic. Yet you truly believe in absolutely nothing. You don’t just preform belief you embody that sick nihilism. That is your world.

And yet, Sean, you will still be forgiven. I don’t believe in God but you do. I’m not particularly religious and you swore by it. Everything that makes that institution wicked is what offers you salvation. The mere fact that I can remember vividly kneeling next to you full of an honest feeling of kinship. Proves that this is a scar.

Lord forgive me, for I have sinned. Me, a non believer, has truly sinned. I did not know it was you whom I shared a connection with that day. There are so many others in my life I could’ve knelt beside and shared a true union with. People I will see on their death beds and hold their hands in mine. I certainly know tears will fill my eyes as they face something almighty and unknowable. I could have reminded you, Sean, about this very day with absolute clarity anytime you needed it. Anytime you needed to believe in something natural and real.

How quickly you shrugged your shoulders at all of this. How small your world truly is! That it could so easily be cast aside. If we did share that moment together as you assured me we had when I asked you that night. That we truly did have something. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

Cowardice? Ah, so that is your existence. That probably gives you some peace. It offers me none. Absolutely none. That someone I loved was so truly cowardly that our true bond could be so easily broken. I reject that with love in my heart. No Sean, it wasn’t just cowardice that caused this. It’s that you never had the love for me to see what I could. You never had the love for yourself to see what I could.

So please keep telling the new people in your life that you pray. I’m sure they will be moved just like I was. I never once told you about my prayers. So here is one:

I pray that we never meet again.